decisions, direction and overthinking

this year i created more music than ever before. more songs. more sounds. more ideas. more versions of myself. i let loose.

but to be honest, it the freedom without any direction felt a bit like drowning. limitations, strangely, always gave me clarity.

the world is still beautiful was recorded live in 3 days. no click track. just me performing with an acoustic guitar and vocals. i recorded 17 and released 12 out of them. the limitation was, record it live. in a room. with a great engineer (yannick sandhofer - who also mixed the record).

but this time i felt i wanted to explore sounds, ideas and new directions. ‘cause i was bored with the way i was creating.

now i’m left with many ideas but no clear direction.

so as i’m writing this i’m wrestling with the idea of just let it go. let it happen. or create a frame of limitations and do it again.

in the end, as are so many things in life, it’s just a decision. there’s no right or wrong. just make the damn decision. and even writing this post is me procrastinating this decision.

the songs are here. and soon enough it will be clear how i’ll present them to the world. to you.

maybe. maybe not.

self-talk is a strange thing for me. it always has been. i do think a lot. some may say too much. i always loved observing. which also made me stay on the outside of things a lot. and overthink a lot. pretty sure a lot of you feel this way at times.

making music has been a way in for me. writing helped me put things into the world. not leave them in my head. but after years of doing this, i came to a point where i struggled. struggled because i got caught up in trying to control the outcome. trying to control where i was heading.

i’ve been dedicated to music for most of my life. i started playing bars and clubs at a young age to make some money so i wouldn’t have to go down the “proper career” path. sometimes it worked. sometimes i had to get work on the side (and i’ve done plenty of side jobs).

it’s all i ever wanted to do. what i feel i’m here for. but i did get caught up in “business meetings”, people trying to help me, with good intentions, trying to guide me. to a point where i lost vision and perspective.

the music business is a funny place. everyone seems to always know exactly what you have to do. but almost everyone also fails to reach the goals they wanted to reach. fame, success, a loyal audience, whatever it is.

and to be honest, it happened to me too.

i got caught up in trying to define myself. trying to play the game in a way that gave me the best chance to win.

but it came at a cost. i somehow forgot why i’m doing it. and what i like about it.

and i don’t have any answers right now, other than that i’m here, trying to create something that’s meaningful to me. which means being really honest with myself, which is harder than i thought.

‘cause i don’t know what i like. not at the moment.

but i will keep digging. keep searching. and i know that if i keep doing the work, keep showing up, it will appear. probably out of nowhere. or at least i hope so.

in the meantime, i’m beyond grateful to all of you. for reading this. messaging me. listening to my music. and making it part of your life.

update on my album

I finished recording my upcoming album last week.

I don’t think I’ve ever worked this hard on my music before. And it wasn’t about getting things right or perfect. it was about creating something I enjoy. Something I want to play live. Something that moved me in the process of making it. Something I’m proud of.

I wrote a lot of songs for it. Probably around 40–50. Choosing the final ones was the hardest part. Especially the letting go.

So many of these songs resonated with me. They were part of my journey over the last few months. They helped me heal. They helped me see things differently.

But I knew I wanted to make a short album — just a few songs. A small selection that felt right. true, honest but also fun.

The real work wasn’t writing or recording. It was being honest with myself. Trusting my gut. Doing what I actually want to do. just me and some songs.

So now I’m a bit tired. Also really excited to share this work with you soon. And honestly a little frightened.

But that’s how it is, I guess.

self reflections at 4 am

it’s one of those nights.

i slept for 2 or 3 hours, and now i’m wide awake.

a mind full of songs, and a quiet love for sitting down to create something.

it’s funny how i can hardly keep up any routine.

i’ve always liked working, then sleeping.

then working again. then sleeping again.

sometimes going days losing any sense of time, never sleeping more than 2,3 hours at a time while still sleeping a lot.

i was never someone who wakes up at the same time every day.

who has a morning routine.

who can sit down and work til the clock runs out, and then go live my lives.

i can’t do it like that.

the closest i ever came to a routine

was coffee and a cigarette in the morning,

listening to the music i made the night before.

but i’ve come to accept it.

maybe it’ll change.

who knows.

it doesn’t matter.

for now, it’s another 4 a.m. session.

another mid-day nap.

another movie at sunrise.

as long as the songs come, i don’t mind.

as long as, by the end of the day, i feel like i was present,

i don’t mind.

time and effort don’t equal results

sometimes to write means to let go.

letting go of concepts, ideas, visions, and perceptions.

letting the pen and the music take you. wherever that leads.

it’s like going to a new city. you can make plans and a list of things you want to see, or you can let life guide you.

you might not see everything, but you experience it.

as I get close to finishing my new album, I can honestly say:

I’ve never been more excited about something I created.

I worked harder than ever. wrote more songs and tossed more away. re-recorded things. tried and failed. tried again.

it wasn’t always easy. moments of frustration, self-doubt, and wondering if it was even worth it.

because time and effort don’t always mean better results.

but I had to do it. and I’m glad I did.

I lost some of the spark and curiosity around music in the past few years.

life got loud. paying the bills, trying to be a good dad, trying to make it in music while giving more than I take.

but through this work, the love came back. the joy. the wonder.

the love for songs. for sound. for words.

the love for the work.

I know you don’t have to spend this much time on an album these days.

it’s a world of singles, reels, and short-form everything.

but I followed my gut. fully. no compromise.

I quit my job as a bike messenger and dedicated myself to this. again.

music has always been a huge part of my life.

it’s brought highs and lows, worry and doubt. but also incredible memories, beautiful friendships, and so much love.

and maybe this album will open hearts. maybe it’ll open doors.

maybe it’ll mean I don’t have to keep crashing on couches or eating one-dollar meals every day.

maybe I can pay my bills on time.

maybe I won’t have to walk an hour home because I couldn’t pay the bus driver.

maybe it won’t.

I don’t know.

and strangely, that doesn’t matter.

but I gave it my all.

and I love it.

and I’m proud of it.

and that’s enough.

almost finished (ain’t finished)

i’m sitting on a bus. to italy. a few days of sun. a few days of distraction. change of scene.

after writting and recording lots and lots i had to realize i need to set a deadline. or i just keep creating without finishing anything.

so the last two weeks i was locked in. a few microphones. a bunch of guitars, a drum set and some old fleamarket shit that makes sounds. and i started.

and now the album is almost done. intense but rewarding and something i am excited about.

in a way that was the whole purpose on making an album for me in 2025.

so a few days in the sun its gonna be now and then off to finishing the songs.

for what its worth, i do want to share these songs with the world.

with you.

and it never turns out quite the way…

This week, I’ve spent nearly all my time in the studio. Barely seeing anyone. Working (or more like playing) for a few hours, sleeping a bit, then diving right back into the music.

They say the muse shows up at random times but you have to be there, ready.

And I was.

And she showed up.

I’m not a religious or very spiritual person, but there’s something about writing music that feels spiritual. You never really know where it’s going to take you. You just let the current pull you, and this week, I let it take me.

These songs are starting to come together. I had a clear vision for the album, the arc, the story, the path I wanted to walk. And it’s funny how the vision is revealing itself… just in a completely different way than I imagined.

All I know is that I’m having fun bleeding on these pages.

And for the first time in a while, I’m really excited about it.

freedom, or the lack of it

Nothing is ever fully free.

And that’s probably for the best.

Love is the clearest example.

You can’t truly love and be fully free at the same time.

I’ve stopped aiming for freedom.

I don’t chase it anymore.

For me, it’s all about not being a slave —

a slave to someone else’s emotions,

their business, ideas, or concept of life.

This has become the key for me:

a life in peace and simplicity.

the in between

Familiar streets. Same old patterns.

I’ve walked them hundreds of times

sometimes sober,

sometimes drunk,

always searching for something more.

I’ve lived in all kinds of places before.

They’re all different, of course,

different rhythms, different skies,

and different versions of me.

Each one carries a spirit.

An energy you can feel as soon as you arrive.

And still, none ever truly felt like home.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of who I was in these streets:

Late nights walking home from nowhere,

Chasing highs, chasing quiet.

And sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d stayed.

Maybe it’s not about fitting in.

Maybe it’s about finding the places

where you can disappear and still feel seen.

everything is still the same

This is me taking a break from creating and recording my album.

I’ve written a lot of songs. Chose only a few. The ones that still resonate with me.

And it’s interesting — seeing what stays and what goes.

Like in life.

Some things never change.

Then again, some things come and go.

Some leave a mark.

Some don’t.

And looking back, a lot of it just feels random.

Anyway.

I started recording (again) yesterday.

This is my third attempt to record these songs.

I already made two versions of the album.

But I had to be honest with myself — I didn’t really like them.

Didn’t want to listen back.

And in the end, the only compass I’ve got is my own taste.

So… off to a new start.

Even though, somehow, everything still feels the same.