maybe. maybe not.

self-talk is a strange thing for me. it always has been. i do think a lot. some may say too much. i always loved observing. which also made me stay on the outside of things a lot. and overthink a lot. pretty sure a lot of you feel this way at times.

making music has been a way in for me. writing helped me put things into the world. not leave them in my head. but after years of doing this, i came to a point where i struggled. struggled because i got caught up in trying to control the outcome. trying to control where i was heading.

i’ve been dedicated to music for most of my life. i started playing bars and clubs at a young age to make some money so i wouldn’t have to go down the “proper career” path. sometimes it worked. sometimes i had to get work on the side (and i’ve done plenty of side jobs).

it’s all i ever wanted to do. what i feel i’m here for. but i did get caught up in “business meetings”, people trying to help me, with good intentions, trying to guide me. to a point where i lost vision and perspective.

the music business is a funny place. everyone seems to always know exactly what you have to do. but almost everyone also fails to reach the goals they wanted to reach. fame, success, a loyal audience, whatever it is.

and to be honest, it happened to me too.

i got caught up in trying to define myself. trying to play the game in a way that gave me the best chance to win.

but it came at a cost. i somehow forgot why i’m doing it. and what i like about it.

and i don’t have any answers right now, other than that i’m here, trying to create something that’s meaningful to me. which means being really honest with myself, which is harder than i thought.

‘cause i don’t know what i like. not at the moment.

but i will keep digging. keep searching. and i know that if i keep doing the work, keep showing up, it will appear. probably out of nowhere. or at least i hope so.

in the meantime, i’m beyond grateful to all of you. for reading this. messaging me. listening to my music. and making it part of your life.