APT. 41 was the first track I wrote for the EP Painting On The Wall.

It came together right after I moved back to Switzerland from Los Angeles in 2019. I didn’t have an apartment, but I was able to stay in this old, half-abandoned house for a few months. No shower, no kitchen, just a mattress on the floor and enough space to set up some recording gear.

It was a strange and heavy time. I was back in Zurich but didn’t really feel back. No home, no real sense of direction. Just a lot of change, restlessness, and space to sit with it all.

One day I was messing around with an old vocoder, and this song just happened. No rewrites, no rearranging. The way it’s recorded is pretty much the way it was written.

On the door of my room, someone had painted “APT. 41” in bold letters. and it felt like the perfect title for the track.

Most of the EP is about feeling lost, like I don’t quite belong — but I think this song captures that feeling more than any other track I’ve written.

APT. 41

I put my heart on a leash
drag it 'round like a dog
and wander the empty streets
the backyard of this city
the city I don't belong
but know so well

sometimes the ghost of my lost love
comes over for a talk
asking how've  you been
asking how've you been?
I’ll learn to feel better
I'll learn to feel better

two empty bottles of whiskey
and a twenty dollar guitar
I've got some books
and old records that I bought back in LA

I let the walls do all the talking
'cause I've got nothing left to say
but I finally feel better
I finally feel better

each city looks the same to me
but they  never feel alike
I've got used to being a stranger
even here im my hometown

and I've tried in many ways
but I can not play the part
but I finally feel better
I finally feel better

I left God in the church
left the church years ago
said my last prayer
when my daughter was born

I know I broke my mother's heart
and my lover's too
but I can't go back to the start
and I don't want to go back to the start
never go back
never go back
I don't want to go back to the start